Malarky Monday Mourning
Alas, the Malarky Monday postings have reached the end of the road.
After @6months of hysterical posts,
the traffic just didn’t support
the effort to get these suckers done once a week.
Have no fear though,
Malarky Monday isn’t going away forever.
Each week we will spin the blog and one of us will deliver the chuckles and the goods.
Stop by here next week and find out who the chosen one will be.
This week, ~m will get you chuckling and snorting until the cows come home.
Be sure to stop by Smoke and Mirrors and tell ~m that we sent you!
Until next time, keep laughing folks.
~the freaks of Dilligaf
Malarky Monday
Welcome to Malarky Monday!
You know the drill by now: read, laugh, spit and repeat . . .
Just visit our crazy friends in hijinx:
Moe
Mark
~m
This week is all about the crocs.
You’ll see what we mean.
First a little swamp humor:
Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t
understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.’
‘Well,’ said the big Croc, ‘what have you been eating?’
‘Politicians, same as you,’ replied the small Croc.
‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’
‘Down the other side of the swamp near the ANC parking lot by the
Union Buildings.’
‘Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?’
‘Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to
unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, and
shake the shit out of them then eat ‘em!’
‘Ah!’ says the big Crocodile, ‘I think I see your problem.
You’re not getting any real nourishment.
See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician, there’s nothing left but an
asshole with a briefcase.”
How about a croc comic strip?
Or how about a crock of shit?
Matching crocs?
What a tool.
Happy Malarky Monday folks!
Remember to always keep that sunny side up!
Malarky Monday
Time for some Malarky Monday fun.
Then when you have spat on your monitor go and do the same at!
A few failures to start.
How about a few “I do not believe I did that”?
A few more non English speaking funnies?
And last one for this week.
The number one reason why they have so much trouble getting out of fires.
Malarky Monday
Malarky Monday is on hold this week.
One of our own is missing a much loved one who has departed this life,
And as a mark of respect and love for this amazing man we will continue next Monday.
God bless and take into his arms Walter M Murphy. Left this world March 23 2010.
Malarky Monday
Welcome to Malarky Monday. Lets see if we can start your week of correctly, with a a laugh.
When you are finished here go to.
and OK HERE as well.
For more fun and laughter.
First up a few photos.
One little joke
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in France. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself “Wouldn’t it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me.” He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.
At seven o’clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!” He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said: “Come on guys, we’re almost there!”
And last of all a group of true Idiots.
Trying to keep dry in a flood.
Safest place in a flood?
Malarky Monday
G’day folks!
It’s Malarky Monday and we here at Dilligaf are committed to one thing today:
your amusement and instant gratification.
Put on your smiley face and check out this weeks offering.
This is similar to last week’s ‘letter’ theme, although it’s drastically different in subject matter.
After your soiree here, please visit our gangsta Malarky posse!
Anonymum
Burnie
Badsneaker
*cue the violins, please
Here is the best break up letter we’ve seen yet.
Dick,
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.
There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won’t even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.
I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can’t imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn’t reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.
- Jane
Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under ‘L’ for
‘Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less about’.
You did a stupid thing huh?
No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is ‘a stupid
thing’; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is ‘a stupid thing’;
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you’re taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn’t as much a ‘Stupid thing’ as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I’m not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span,
or that you seemed to think
that by saying ‘Well, I didn’t fuck him’ somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world ‘looked funny’ to you
yesterday.
Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don’t think
you’re a terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling queen who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.
*By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate.
Just thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.
Talk to you never,
-Dick
Happy Malarky Monday peeples!
Malarky Monday
Ah Monday comes round so often and so quick.
Here are a few little stories to make you laugh.
Then go over and see ~m, Moe and Burnie for a few more.
First a letter from a grateful housewife to a Laundry Powder Company.
Dear Tide:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my forties I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were inconclusive and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go. Have to write to the
Hefty bag people.
“I just got a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes
to the starving people throughout the world.”
“I told them to fuck off !
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving”!
and last of all for all you cowboys.
Cowboy’s Honeymoon
A cowboy and his new wife had just got married and found a nice
hotel for their wedding night.
The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.
He said, ‘We’re on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a
good strong bed. The clerk winked, ‘You want the ‘Bridal’ ?
The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied,
“Nope, I reckon not. I’ll just hold on to her ears until she get used to it.
Have a great week.
Malarky Monday
Welcome to Malarky Monday, mates!
This is the one day of the week that we try and make you laugh
or at the least take the piss out of you!
This is our Silver Anniversary folks!
25 bloody posts!
Please visit our friends in hijinx and freind us on Facebook too!
*Moe
*Morky
*BadSneaker
This week is all about ‘the Bartender’ . . .
And believe us when we tell you, the bartender hates you
(well, some of you)
The bartender hates you but he makes us laugh our asses off!
Happy Malarky Monday all!
Please leave a comment so we know you were here!
the fine folks at Dilligaf
Malarky Monday
Monday again.
Lets try some Political madness to make you laugh.
Then drop over to ~m, Moe and burning again today Burnie.
This is what the First Couples looked like coming into the White House and the second photo what they will look like going out…
Don’t even try to tell me you’re not laughing!!!
Malarky Monday (again?)
It’s Malarky Monday once again.
We’re thinking you know the drill by now.
We put up something we think is funny and entertaining and you laugh.
So we hope.
Now listen folks, this week’s offering is a bit racial and definitely offensive.
By that we mean it’s racial and definitely offensive.
It’s also funny as hell.
Anyone that calls the ACLU, know that we will hunt you down.
Considering the number of hits and comments we’ve gotten here lately
we’re reeeeeeaaaal fucking worried. [NOT!]
If you’re easily offended, please close your browser and go pet a kitten.
Happy Malarky Monday folks!
Be sure to visit Moe, Mark and ~m after you leave!
Now here’s a tasty video courtesy of YouTube and Mr. David Chappelle.
This is Chappelle on the origin of the word ‘nigger’.
Put on your Depends, phuckers.
*Dilligaf