Malarky Monday
G’day folks!
It’s Malarky Monday and we here at Dilligaf are committed to one thing today:
your amusement and instant gratification.
Put on your smiley face and check out this weeks offering.
This is similar to last week’s ‘letter’ theme, although it’s drastically different in subject matter.
After your soiree here, please visit our gangsta Malarky posse!
Anonymum
Burnie
Badsneaker
*cue the violins, please
Here is the best break up letter we’ve seen yet.
Dick,
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.
There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won’t even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.
I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can’t imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn’t reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.
- Jane
Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under ‘L’ for
‘Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less about’.
You did a stupid thing huh?
No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is ‘a stupid
thing’; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is ‘a stupid thing’;
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you’re taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn’t as much a ‘Stupid thing’ as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I’m not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span,
or that you seemed to think
that by saying ‘Well, I didn’t fuck him’ somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world ‘looked funny’ to you
yesterday.
Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don’t think
you’re a terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling queen who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.
*By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate.
Just thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.
Talk to you never,
-Dick
Happy Malarky Monday peeples!
Malarky Monday
Welcome to Malarky Monday, mates!
This is the one day of the week that we try and make you laugh
or at the least take the piss out of you!
This is our Silver Anniversary folks!
25 bloody posts!
Please visit our friends in hijinx and freind us on Facebook too!
*Moe
*Morky
*BadSneaker
This week is all about ‘the Bartender’ . . .
And believe us when we tell you, the bartender hates you
(well, some of you)
The bartender hates you but he makes us laugh our asses off!
Happy Malarky Monday all!
Please leave a comment so we know you were here!
the fine folks at Dilligaf
Malarky Monday
Here at Dilligaf it’s all about dicks this week for Malarky Monday.
We apologize for our recent lack of posting
(too busy celebrating the holidays!)
As we said, this week it’s all about the dicks.
This video shows a ‘King’ of dicks.
Great King, real bad magician.
Never a brilliant combination.
Even if this is a bit of ‘Hollywood’ hijinx, it made us howl anyway. <–click here!!!!!>
Still a dick, though . . .
A hot TV announcer tossing her cookies on live TV?
Yeah, she is a dick.
But she’s hot.
Kinda.
Last but certainly not least, Chinese people that have no clue about the
English language are dicks.
The store in the picture below actually exists.
The Chinese name translates as “King of the Black People”.
Click here for more on the story.
Now go and visit our demented mates!
Now!!!!
Happy Monday, folks.
Moe
Mark
Michael
Dick in a Box
A favorite Christmas tune.
Sorry, ladies but this is just too damn funny . . .
Maybe it’s a last minute gift idea for those dim-witted guys.
Dilligaf to the rescue.
Just be sure to get a nice box.
DG
SK
Sam Kinison, the ultimate preacher of the dark.
Watch the video if only for SK’s views on necrophilia . . .